Shouting and food throwing, what the fuck!?
Having returned from three days of impro, disco, cider, rum and Guinness, my next assignment was to go to the British Comedy Awards on Saturday night. I have never been before, but a request from both Buzzcocks and QI for me to attend meant that I couldn't really say no. I'm always severely underdressed at these things, as everybody does the whole black tie thing. If I dress like that, people assume I'm security so I resemble a roadie going to a wedding. I was at a table with young Amstell, Dan and Adam, his writers, Jim Pullin the exec, Stu Mather the producer, Dave Morley the Talkback honcho and Tracy Mcleod who guides young Amstell's wonderful career.
In the wake of the BBC caving in to the whims of The Daily Mail, regular host Jonathan Ross was deputised by former bete noir of the tabloids Angus Deayton. His opening salvo was a spiky enough and the Mail got a slap so i was happy. I was asked to fill in for the absent QI luminaries in case they won, so had a double chance of podium glory. That said, I was rooting for Have I Got News to win.
Like all award shows it was a bit dull, and the hollow nature of the thing was pointed up when the late Geoffrey Perkins kids came up to collect an award for him. Russell Brand rightly got Best Stand Up, TV Burp got one as did Alan Carr, Gervaise got an award but wasn't there, and when he was announced as winner there was an audible moan, and the little boy out of Muppet Treasure Island got all cross.
Then our category was announced by Adrian Chiles and Lucy Davies and QI won. Simon shook my hand and I went up and made a shit speech. I felt quite odd being up there, and being a C average kinda guy, am really unaccustomed to it. I felt bad for Simon and Stu and everybody, as it's been a tough time with Bill leaving. Anyway I told my weak ass joke and sat back down. Then they did a few more awards Jasperv Carrot won a lifetime achievement award and was really lovely in his speech. Gavin And Stacey won something and the little boy out of those shit bank adverts threw some food around, shouted some more so they couldn't make a speech and then it was all over.
On the way out I was presented with a huge goody bag that contained the following...
A make up box
Shampoo
A razor,
shave foam
toothpaste
2 tee shirts,
a clock
some hair shine stuff,
make up wipes,
some ringtones,
a pork pie,
a voucher for some prescription specs
a baseball cap
a Mike Reid dvd
a booklet about a shirt shop
pills for curing hangovers
a drink you drink before going on the lash to avoid hangovers
a bottle of water
a bottle of champagne
two tickets for the boat show at earls court
I got home and drank Caucasians while watching The Big Lebowski.
At least I can say I've been once. And same as the Brits (1987) once is enough...
In the wake of the BBC caving in to the whims of The Daily Mail, regular host Jonathan Ross was deputised by former bete noir of the tabloids Angus Deayton. His opening salvo was a spiky enough and the Mail got a slap so i was happy. I was asked to fill in for the absent QI luminaries in case they won, so had a double chance of podium glory. That said, I was rooting for Have I Got News to win.
Like all award shows it was a bit dull, and the hollow nature of the thing was pointed up when the late Geoffrey Perkins kids came up to collect an award for him. Russell Brand rightly got Best Stand Up, TV Burp got one as did Alan Carr, Gervaise got an award but wasn't there, and when he was announced as winner there was an audible moan, and the little boy out of Muppet Treasure Island got all cross.
Then our category was announced by Adrian Chiles and Lucy Davies and QI won. Simon shook my hand and I went up and made a shit speech. I felt quite odd being up there, and being a C average kinda guy, am really unaccustomed to it. I felt bad for Simon and Stu and everybody, as it's been a tough time with Bill leaving. Anyway I told my weak ass joke and sat back down. Then they did a few more awards Jasperv Carrot won a lifetime achievement award and was really lovely in his speech. Gavin And Stacey won something and the little boy out of those shit bank adverts threw some food around, shouted some more so they couldn't make a speech and then it was all over.
On the way out I was presented with a huge goody bag that contained the following...
A make up box
Shampoo
A razor,
shave foam
toothpaste
2 tee shirts,
a clock
some hair shine stuff,
make up wipes,
some ringtones,
a pork pie,
a voucher for some prescription specs
a baseball cap
a Mike Reid dvd
a booklet about a shirt shop
pills for curing hangovers
a drink you drink before going on the lash to avoid hangovers
a bottle of water
a bottle of champagne
two tickets for the boat show at earls court
I got home and drank Caucasians while watching The Big Lebowski.
At least I can say I've been once. And same as the Brits (1987) once is enough...
posted by Jupitus at
16:53
2 Comments:
I thought your weak ass joke was quite funny actually and that is quite possibly the worst goody bag I have ever read about.
A Pork Pie? Really? They don't make them like they used to. Lawson's of Dyce were something special, but they've gone now.
Watched the awards on telly, didn't really enjoy them. Although I thought Carrott made a rather sweet, touching speech. Happy to acknowledge the new crop of talent out there, totally lacking in any of the normal bitterness some recipients of lifetime achievemnt awards have. Good luck to the fella.
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